your thong is hanging out like whoa
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
God, I missed his penis.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
