1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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