Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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