Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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