I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
