you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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