Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize