I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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