Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
