she woke up with a sticky ear
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
