The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
