yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
