you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
