Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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