Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
