i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
