I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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