doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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