these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
