he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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