just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
