the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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