Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
