You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
