Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
