Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
