Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
