Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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