I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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