I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
nutella sex= disaster
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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