Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
