Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
