Your dad touched me again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
