The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
