Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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