the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
