It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize