Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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