Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
