Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
