God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
