So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
