homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
