I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
