So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
