how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize