Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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