I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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