So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
