anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
