i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
