the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ttyl tear gas
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
pray to the hookup gods
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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