I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
