Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
