You made me cry and you don't even care
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
