I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
