Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
