We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize