So drunk its hurt
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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