drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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