I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
