whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
