alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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