I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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