she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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