She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
