So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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