Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
