Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
