So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
