so that wasnt chicken after all
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
