I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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